From Incompatibility to Compatibility in Marriage

The move from incompatibility to compatibility may be difficult, but definitely not impossible. Sunaina, a copywriter is abstract in her thinking where as Ranjan, an engineer is clear and concrete in his thoughts. They were highly incompatible and would have arguments all day. One fine day they realized that they need to work it out to make the relationship work for them.

We generally believe that opposites attract and seek a partner with interests opposite to us. We think that is the best way for a lasting relationship. But it turns out to be difficult and requires a lot of working on it. While it is true that opposites do sometimes attract, this attraction sometimes does not hold up to the reality of everyday life and commitment.

It is true that birds of same feather flock together. Some similarities between couples do make life together much simpler. Being together involves compromise and people can reach these compromises much easily when they share common values and interests. If you feel that incompatibility and personality differences are an obstacle to a happy and fulfilling marriage, so work your best to be compatible to your spouse. Think this way- compatibility is not something you have; it is something that you make.

CHERISH YOUR DIFFERENCES

Every couple has differences. Acceptance does not mean you stop trying to resolve issues. It means that you acknowledge the fact that you have differences because you are two different people.  Psychologist, Dr. Pratik Bose says, “When spouses accept them the way they are, they are usually more confident and secure in their relationships. Conflicts in marriages occur when people cannot accept each other’s wants.” When a person tries to change another person’s personality conflict arises and hence there is a rapture in the relationship. However research has shown that change for the better is much more likely to occur when spouses respect differences and accept each other unconditionally.

COMMUNICATE EFFECTIVELY

It is time that you share your thoughts and feelings with each other better and recognizes and accepts each other’s point of view. When couples are willing to talk about their differences and try and find solution to it and at the same time step into each other’s shoes to look at the problem that will be the starting point of an ideal marriage.

DEVELOP FAMILY RITUALS

Develop some family rituals like watch a movie together on every weekend. Take out little time to either have the morning or the evening tea together. Go for a leisure walk sometimes. Think of common interests. Being involved and combining time does not mean you have to give up what you enjoy doing, it just means that you need to invest a little creative time together. Control the way you argue. Forget about everything and enjoy each other’s company.

BECOME FRIENDS

A solid marital friendship is very important for a successful marriage. Adjustment and understanding in friendship is very important. Try and find out the good points of marriage and your spouse. When you share a good friendship with each other it becomes easier to understnd each other and come closer to each other. Make the friendship as sweet as possible so that when you grow old together you can look back at it with fondness.