Why we get Angry?

Ranja was a shy, timid individual who never raised her voice when speaking to any body. Her quite demeanour was so natural to her that when she was accused of beating her husband, everyone was shocked. She was just not that type. She was taken to a psychiatrist who said that she was mentally unstable because of unexpressed anger or aggression.

Anger is an emotion that can build in anybody. If we do not have a release, it can explode like a pressure cooker. It may have started as a different feeling- perhaps hurt or frustration- and built up into anger. The longer the build-up, the greater the pressure will be. If anger is not controlled and expressed in a safe way, it takes control of you. Stress also plays a big role. The more stressed women are, they are more likely to lose their tempers.

Stress levels are escalating for women with demanding jobs, challenging parenthood and the like. There is so much for a woman to do and they are constantly juggling work and home. Sarita Raj, a research scholar says, “I have a family to look after. My work is extremely demanding. I try to be in good mood when I reach home, but I get extremely tired and when I look at the work waiting for me back home I lose my temper.” Over the years, women had to fight for equality, independence and a right to live. To day they have it all, but the loads off their backs have not been moved. Women still have to be looked after their families, right from cooking to taking care of the children.

Many husbands try to help their wives out, but majority of them are show watchers. Many women have a low tolerance for frustration and unleash their anger on husbands, bosses and children. Many do not verbalize their feelings though, becoming mentally anguished and hurt in the process. Psychologist, Dr. Seema Hinorani says, “Having angry thoughts are a normal part of life. There is absolutely nothing abnormal about them. But when you suppress anger for a long period of time, it comes out very strong. Another thing is that suppression of anger can lead to suicides, depression, self-mutilation, eating disorders, weight gain.”

Understand why you become angry. A look at the past may help you find out the reasons of your anger. If your parents or family members set bad examples and you always saw them fighting with each other then that must be the cause of your anger. Understand the way you express anger is a good starting point. If anger is handled correctly all related health problems can be corrected.

You need to get to the root of the problem. “It may be partly psychological or due to crises, stress or previous loss or trauma. You need to deal with angry feelings and find better way to deal with it. Try an assertive manner, using calm, logical words rather than angry ones. The goal is not to suppress anger, but to express it in non-aggressive ways. Learn to reduce your frustration. Find out the source of your anger whether it is the situation or the people around, and attempt to reduce or eliminate those negative stimuli,” says Dr. Hingorani.

Yoga and simple breathing exercises can help you to get rid of anger. Never getting angry is impossible. Instead, remember that how you act when angry can make the situation better or worse. Do not let anger control you instead you take charge of anger.