Reasons for relationship issues among couples

Posted by Aantharya Counseling on Fri, Jul 20, 2012  
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Rohith and Rani were newlywed happy couple. They shared most of their time together and life was going well.  They had good relationship with their family and relatives.  Rohith was very active in social work and hence used to meet a lot of people. He was not able to accept certain things which were against his ethics such as bribe, crossing the rules, corruption etc.  Rani was also very proud of his qualities. Rohith used to yell, scream and shout wherever he finds wrong things. Slowly this started to upset Rani.

 

Every time Rohith had a fight with people Rani used to question him and keep asking him why he is behaving like this. Rohith used to defend that he gets angry and he can’t resist the temper at that moment. Later this became the main topic for them to talk and usually the argument leads to fight.  Rani’s   nature of asking question became a nagging topic for Rohith. He had no answer sometimes and his only defending tool was shouting. In this turmoil they were not able to focus on the other aspects of enjoyment.

 

Relationship starts worsening just based on one quality or character of a person.  Though Rani was quite happy with Rohith his anger made her unhappy. Rohith was happy with his life but was unhappy while Rani questions about his anger. This became like a deadlock. Their interaction, communication, trips, sexual life, party … everything slowly melted down.  They were living like two strangers under the same roof.  Family and friends were clueless and helpless in this scenario.

 

In this situation it needs to be analyzed with respect to men and women psychology. Usually men get irritated with pestering, nagging or provoking words. This irritates and aggravates their temper.  Rather than provoking questions and nagging it needs to be worked on the emotional turmoil. The acceptance level needs to be raised. “How” is a big question mark? A partner needs to appreciate the good qualities of the other partner and strengthen the relationship. The weakness of each partner needs to be validated and acknowledged. When the feelings are validated it reduces the intensity of anger. The strong relationship will motivate the partner to work on the weakness rather than denying or ignoring. Similarly rather than complaining or provoking steps need to be taken to meet a counselor to work on anger management or behavior modification.  A counselor will be able to identify whether it is childhood turmoil or learnt behavior from a parent/family member. What are the factors which has reinforced such behavior? What is the belief system? How can it be replaced by right belief?

 

The last few questions are left for the reader to act upon. Introspection of such questions will help to deal the anger in a better way.  Anger is an emotion which can be channelized in a positive way.

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