Pushy Parents can be a Curse Childhood

Posted by Lachmi Deb Roy on Mon, Nov 15, 2010  
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Parents nurturing left over ambitions on their children is not a bright idea.
Living through your children can be traumatic for the children. Overambitious
parents cause untold trauma and stress for their kids. What is most disturbing
is that they pay a heavy price for absolute no fault of theirs other than the
fact that they did not have the maturity and autonomy to stand firm and say no
to their parents. Had they made it clear that the path chosen by their parents
is not what they desired to take up then they would not have felt like a fish
out of water in their adult lives. Many parents try to enforce their own dreams
and aspirations through their children saying that it is for their good when
actually it is not.

Parents can cause mental and psychological problems for children including anxiety disorder with panic attacks, depression with suicidal
ideation, suppressed aggression with rage attacks, depression with suicidal
depression and obsessive-compulsive disorder. Dr. Anjali Chabria, renowned
psychologist from Mumbai says, “Pushing kids too hard to achieve their own left
over ambitions can be really traumatic for the children.”

A one-time swimming champion was battling both obesity and depression. During counseling he talked about how he enjoyed swimming as a child. He had to say the trouble began the
day when his father found out that he had the potential of becoming a champion.
That was the end of his joy of swimming. The early morning fitness regime and
being timed while he did his laps became a nightmare, as his father pushed him
to try harder and harder. The day he got the medal of a national champion, he
told his father that he is not going to swim again and resorted to things that
were destroying him from within. He started overeating and put on a lot of
weight. It was a kind of revenge on his father who never understood his
feelings.”

Even successful people have to say that how they have received only conditional love from their parents and how they have been made to feel like their parent’s investment. Rita Kar’s mother was a junior artist who had actually entered the film industry hoping to be a star. But she never made it, but she held her dream strong in her heart. When Rita turned nine, her mother got her a few roles. As she grew up and entered her teens, her mother insisted that she wear make-up, wear padded bras and visit producers’ offices. As the rounds of offices increased, the hemline of Rita’s clothes rose and at just sixteen she got her first offer on the ‘casting couch’. With an insensitive mother who never understood her feelings she turned into a high class prostitute, who dug her sensibilities with alcohol and drugs. One day she was found dead in a hotel room due to an overdose of drugs and alcohol. A mother’s blind ambition led to the death of her child.

We parents are simply trustees of god’s children. We are supposed to nurture and
unconditionally love them without dictating their life and give them joy and
satisfaction. Gifted children can excel when their talents are polished a bit
with the guidance of their parents. The trouble starts when parents start
pushing mediocre kids and pressurizes them into becoming what is beyond their
reach. As parents we should be responsible enough to know our child’s
limitations and interest and accordingly guide them and push them in the right direction. F we try to push them too hard to push them too hard and try to fulfill our dreams through them we will not only cause grief to
them, but also end up losing them forever.

BY LACHMI DEB ROY

 

 

 

 

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