Needing and being Needed

Posted by Lachmi Deb Roy on Sat, Dec 29, 2012  
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Needing and being needed is a primary human need- the emotionally indifferent, self sufficient character is very often characteristic of an alienated sociopath. But this needing is part of the whole that makes for emotional well being; it cannot be the only source of our emotional sustenance. This distortion results in the emotionally dependent woman whom we all know as the clinger. And of course this distortion is not restricted to women alone.


It is true that we love the elders in the family, but we don’t always spend enough time with them. The very people that we asked for every little thing as children are not consulted any more for some of the most important decisions of our lives.


India is full of older people perpetually complaining that their children don’t care for them. Though this really might be the case in a lot of families, it is, unfortunately a double edged sword. What they actually mean is that they want to be the centre stage. This results in an emotional pressure.


If you go out without telling your mom, there is sulky silence in the house, if you spend just a day with your friends, there is tension in the house. Such women will never be able to understand that children love you without wanting to be with you all the time.


There is other side of the relationship as well. There are daughters who need their mothers throughout their lives. But remember relationships are dynamic, not static. Nothing lasts forever. Constant togetherness leads to suffocation. Don’t use other people to fill in gaps in your life.


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