Forgetten Childhood

FORGOTTEN CHILDHOOD

By Lachmi Deb Roy

The streets are empty because children do not play anymore. Life especially after – school, for children today has become structured, organized, scheduled- and stressful. They are constantly rushing from one class to the next, tired and traumatized by the additional burden placed on their young shoulders. They don't feel like them selves any more. They are simply trying to fit into a mould created by their parents.

Who is the overscheduled child? "Any child scheduled from morning to night with no time he can call his own, no time to hang out with friends, and no time to simply daydream. The message we are giving these children is if their time is not structured, it is not useful. As a result, if they do not have a specific activity to do, they are bored. They have no clue what to do with 'free time,' for they have never had it," says clinical psychologist Seema Hingorani. In the name of crafting the perfect childhood for their children, parents are imposing way too much on them, irrespective of whether or not they are interested. These are trophy kids loved for their accomplishments and not for the people they are.                                  

Most kids to day are turning into mini-robots, bouncing from one activity to another. "The crazy pace of the day with out unstructured free time is leading to some very anxious and depressed young children and some burnt out and stressed young adults," says actress and mother Pooja Bedi. She adds that kids to day do need a fair mix of extra-curricular activities and academics- but on their terms. "You need to decide what you as a family, value. Your child does not have to be a top athlete, musician or artist to be successful in life. In fact, studies indicate that kids who do the activities because their parents want them to- or are afraid to drop an activity because of parent's pressure- are the ones who tend to suffer from mental disorder and physical ailments," says Seema Hingorani. Characters and relationships are important, not accomplishments and possessions. The kids who gets the message right from their parents go on to do much better than their counterparts forever striving to excel. It is important that not to hurry the child through childhood. Let them stop and savour the milestones.

Kids need to get away from adult supervised activities. Play needs to be play for enjoyment's sake, not to be a part of the cricket team in school. "Parents I have seen live under the huge misconception that free unstructured play time is time wasted. On the contrary scientific research support the theory that self-initiated unstructured creative play is the most important activity kids can engage in for optimum neurological and cognitive growth," says Suparna Sinha, teacher of Naval Children's School.

“In our childhood  we played on the streets, climbed trees borrowed books from each other and visited friends and relatives. That was how free time was spent. Today’s kids do much more. Parents have more money to spend on them, there are more facilities to learn drama, dance, music and more. And there is also the pressure to keep up with the Joneses. But still I feel that kid swill not be stressed if they love what they do. It should not be a case of parents achieving their ambitions through their children,” says Kajal Bose, 56-year old home-maker and a grandmother from Vizag.

Harried schedules, international competition and unrealistic expectations are not just for adults any more. Pressure to get exceptional marks and build impeccable resumes affects our kids from their early years. What is being compromised is family dinners, vacations and ordinary everyday conversations. We have a generation of kids growing up with performance anxiety.

Child counselor and teacher from Vizag Sugatha Menon says, “Activities need to be appropriate to a child’s age, ability and development. Certain musical instruments can be held and played after an age and parents who falsely believe an early start guarantees them a prodigy are harming their child instead.”

Headaches, stomach aches, insomnia and anxiety attacks are precipitated by over-scheduling. It is the only weapon in a child’s arsenal. Children do not really enjoy rushing from one thing to the next, often activities they have no interest in, only to make their parents proud.

Watch your child to see if she exhibits these symptoms, then ask your self if she is overscheduled. “Overtiredness, irritability, falling grades, anxiety, insomnia and obstinacy are all indicators that a child has too much to cope with,” says general physician Dr. Ambarish Warty. So strive for your kids to be healthy and happy- even if it means not going for ballet lessons, piano classes, swimming and horse riding every week. When the child is healthy and happy, the rest follows automatically.