Do you need space?

Posted by Lachmi Deb Roy on Tue, Jan 25, 2011  
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Do you need space?


Space and relationship have become a common word in urban lifestyle. For a fulfilling and lasting relationship emotional space is a must. But then it is for us to decide how much of space is actually required in a relationship. By emotional space we mean the freedom to do what ever we are interested in doing. The obvious question that comes to our mind is that where should we draw the boundary.

But can space truly be defined? After marriage Arijit Ghosh, a naval officer and his wife Rituparna, a school teacher initially got into the vicious circle of defining their likes, dislikes and what was acceptable and unacceptable to each other. Rituparna hated Arijit's taking off on most weekends to play golf and returning and returning after lunch with his friends. Rituparna saw it as being excluded and would often sulk and make her annoyance felt. Most of their fights would be centered around his golf and his need to be with his friends especially on weekends. Rituparna also a busy working woman felt this was their family and bonding time. The couple finally worked their way out of the constant jostling when Rituparna became a part of a writers' group. "It was only after I joined my group did I realize that Arijit also needs to have his own personal space to unwind and do things he loved, because I finally had found mine."

 Increasingly we find couples that are most comfortable to give space to each other within the boundaries of their marriage, where they need not offer explanations and understand each other's comfort level. "While couples ask for personal space, but then they should be matured enough to realize how much liberty should be taken in a relationship. I am very particular about my work out schedules and I just don't bother to give any explanation to any body for that and at the same time I allow my husband to do what he likes to do. That is how I would define personal space, where each partner is doing what they like best and it's acceptable to both," says television personality, Mandira Bedi.

 Couples should understand when they are crossing boundaries. Partners will give loud or some times unspoken signals if they are uncomfortable about it. "It is important to take heed of warning as this can lead to major conflict," says psychologist Dr. Seema Hingorani. In times to come personal space will evolve, become larger and more individualistic and involve larger activities done alone or together. The trick is to allow freedom to each other by giving enough emotional support. It’s healthy for the relationship, as both partners will feel connected and loved. Staying balanced, open to each other’s feelings and knowing where to draw the line is the key to healthy relationship.



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