How To Not Spoil Children And Develop Self Esteem In Them

Posted by Nirmala Subramanian on Fri, Feb 26, 2010  
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Most parents love their children very much. They believe they have to do everything to make the living doll, whom they have bought into this world should as happy and fulfilled as possible. Yes it is true affection and love is essential for a child to make them feel happy and accepted, however we also owe our duty to them to grow into responsible adults who have good habits. We do need to love our children, praise them and make them have a self-worth, but we should not overdo things and pamper them making them disrespectful demanding adults.


It is true when people in olden days said parents who did not let their children cry would be only spoiling them. Yes, love is essential for a child to feel protected and wanted. However do not pamper your child excessively. Love does not mean the pampering of the child with a lot of toys or material things. Love is an emotion and can be given by action and our feelings towards our children. When we pamper our children with material things and in order to keep them happy and to fill in their emptiness we start getting them material things like rich foods, toys and other material things like TV games or allow them to watch TV more than required we would only be instilling the habit of addiction to these material things. Yes, do not get your child used to luxuries, because a childhood of luxuries invites extravagance in adults. This could also lead to compulsive disorders in children or when they turn into adults.


In addition, most of us as parents have a tendency to deprive ourselves of essentials and needs in order to love and pamper our children. I do agree that we need to do the best in order to look after our children whom we have brought into this world. We do owe a duty to ourselves also and need to instill the habit in our children to share rather than be possessive about everything. Never get your child used to luxuries just to pamper him. He needs to realize that he should learn to respect others needs too. Yes he needs to learn not to disregard others wishes and turn into a demanding person. Besides, we should never make it a habit to always listen and fulfill our child’s wishes. He will then develop an attitude that he can get his wishes always. We as parents need to develop the attitude in our children that they can get anything in this world, they have to be prepared for the yes and no’s of life.


Yes, one of the habits we need to instill in our child is recognizing of ones self-worth. Every child should be made to feel and learn that each one is worthy in this world. The other side of pampering we do have children who feel low about them and suffer from a low self-esteem. There are children and adults that are influenced about the opinion that others hold of them. It is good to consider others point of view, but playing on the seesaw of self-esteem because of others views is not to be encouraged in children. Parents need to be encouraging to children regarding their talents, good habits as well as helping children to improve themselves. In addition, they should be taught that self-worth does not depend on possessing costly material things but lay in ones attitude towards life.


Yes we do need to give our children love, which is caring, compassion and understanding. This means spending quality time with them, listening to them, appreciating them and scolding them also at times when they are wrong. Material things and luxuries come nowhere in the definition of love. It is necessary to love and care for our children, but this does not mean pampering and being materially affluent with them. The greatest asset you can give your child is making them feel their value inside out. Pampering is highly addictive and could bring about depression due to no fulfillment of certain needs in adulthood. To conclude, increase your child’s self worth, without pampering or spoiling him, teach him the value of life and it’s ups and downs and yes develop your child’s self-esteem, so he exclaims later, ”My parents did this all to me. I am successful because of them!!!!”


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