The spirited child

You have seen them at the super market. Running from one corner to another, pulling the parents to the chocolate or toy counter, taking down arm loads of chocolates and pilling it on the trolley, forcing the parent to run behind him wheeling the laden trolley at top speed, and then suddenly he decides to have a right on temper tantrum and nuclear implosion level meltdown just when the parent have reached checkout. Does this sound familiar?  If yes do not fret. By this time you must have got used to all the pitying sympathetic looks people around give you along with the unsolicited advice on how to be a better parent? Remember that you are not a bad parent, just that your child is different from the norm. The term is 'spirited' child.

 "A spirited child is one who could also be called a challenging child, a child with high needs, or a difficult child. Spirited child sounds more politically correct, especially as the term 'difficult' has negative connotations," says psychologist Dr. Varkha Chulani. Spirited children in spite of being extremely moody are highly artistic, very intelligent, intensely logical and goal-oriented. Their ability to express themselves, loud and often may ultimately translate in adulthood to being in touch with one's own emotions. "A spirited child may be greatly compassionate especially as he gains maturity, making them valuable and active members of their community," adds Dr. Chulani. Advertising personality Prahlad Kakkar says, "I think it is normal for most children to be spirited, joyous and very active. However if the child is hyperactive all the time and just cannot concentrate on anything, then may be he/she could have ADHD. Such kids needs a lot of care, love and special attention. Take the cues from the child and find out what interests him/her and keep them occupied. Physical activity and yoga has tremendous benefits on hyperactive kids."

 A spirited child is overtly challenging to parents and needless to say takes so much from parents in terms of patience and energy. But a spirited child is not the manipulative sort, rather a child who gets overwhelmed by his her own feelings and emotions, and has meltdowns when they can't handle or understand what is happening to them. If parents know their children well, it can help in establishing an understanding between parents and children. Parents also should sometimes mould themselves according to children's needs. Kids do have their demands, but as a parent one should fulfill them after understanding the value of the requirement.

"We value persistence in our society and spirited kids have it in them. But it can be a negative kind too which can be understood as stubbornness," says Dr. Chulani. They may reject food even when they are very hungry because of their normal reaction of refusing food and they may continue the rejection due to persistence. "These meltdowns are very comman and can be triggered by hunger, tiredness or even new stimuli in a new environment," adds Dr. Chulani. Parents of spirited children need to be constantly on the look out for potential triggers and enforce rest hours and ensure that the child is well fed before hunger strikes.

Do not confuse being spirited with bad behaviour. Destructiveness, willfulness and ill manners cannot be confused or forgiven because of spiritedness. For instance if your child is hitting some body at the play ground, he/she needs to be taken aside and given a stern warning with an explanation that such behaviour will not be tolerated.

 Revel in your spirited child. They are children who have the passion, the energy and the wherewithal to redefine the world around them. The next time your child has a meltdown in public, don't cringe in embarrassment. Know that you have a child who is spirited. And who needs you to help shape his/her spirit.