The changing man

Gender roles are often assigned early in life, beginning with the family, educational institutions and society at large. This feeling is taken for granted that men won’t ask for directions, men are rational, men don’t bitch, men don’t cry and again men are not shopaholic like women. These feelings have been accepted in our society for years with out any scientific backings.

From a very young age we are made to go by these believes. Parents are still scared of buying dolls for their infant boys and cars for their infant daughters. Men are considered to be sissy if they cry and at the same time they are required to be sensitive and emotional to their partner’s needs. But now things are changing for good. People are actually running away from these stereotypical thoughts which existed before,” says psychologist Seema Hingorani.

“In a recent workshop that I conducted recently a young boy stood up and said that she would like to cook for his wife. When asked what he said that it would be anything that would make his wife happy. He said that he is going to do it all the more because, he has never seen his father cooking for his mother,” adds Hingorani

For so long it was just mum is the world. But now things are changing for better. Today paternal love is placed on the same pedestal as maternal love.

Parenting is a joint effort of both the father and mother. In our times we would not have expected our fathers to do the same. But things are changing now.

“At the same time men too love to take care of themselves. They love to go to the beauty parlour for pedicures and manicures. In fact I do it myself. It’s nothing wrong if you take care of personal hygiene. In fact everybody should maintain a personal hygiene. Ten years back it was a total taboo for men to enter the parlour. These are all protective myths which are now getting blurred,” says fashion photographer, Subi Samuel.

Fatherhood can be blissful and as challenging as motherhood. Rituparna Bose, a Cost accountant and an army wife say, “My husband Vikas is more attached to my son. He likes to go drop him to the play school before leaving for office. He also gives him a bath on Sundays. In fact I like going out with my friends alone. But whenever I tell him to go out with me, he insists that I take our son along with us.”

There are many who feel that men can’t stitch, men can’t dance and men don’t cry. But this is not the truth. Men are emotional too and they do cry. Dancer Sandip Soparkar says, “These are just stereotypes and things have changed for better a lot. It just varies from person to person. If you see Lord Krishna or Lord Shiva knew how to dance. Like I found my true calling in Latin American ballroom dancing. There is nothing absolutely to be ashamed about being a dancer. Shamak Davar, who is again a man is a great dancer himself. The same goes for dress designing. Not very long ago, it was always felt that only women can stitch and men can’t, but there are so many leading designers in our country like Shamak Dhavar, Vikram Padhnis, Abu Jani the list is just endless. Cooking was also thought to be a woman’s domain. But if you see the best chefs in the all the five-star hotels are all men. So these things are just in the mind and thankfully we are overcoming them.”

The theory that man is a provider and woman the caretaker is just vanishing. Today men look after the home as efficiently as a woman. “In today’s world money is a crunch and it will be foolish on out part to go by these assigned gender roles. So both has to be a caretaker and a provider,” explians Soparkar.

Men are emotional and they cry as well.  Fashion designer Sabhyasachi Mukherjee says, “It is a horrible cruel thing to say that men should not cry. Men are emotional and they have all the right to cry as much as woman.” Since childhood men are asked to suppress their emotions. It is just not fair to deprive men from expressing their feelings.  Subi agrees, “Men do cry and they too love shopping. And why can’t we cry? We are equally hurt at the loss of loved ones, we are equally hurt to see our kids in pain and we are equally hurt when a long meaningful relationship comes to an end. So nothing absolutely can stop us from crying.”

When it comes to choosing careers also men have taken a different unconventional path. Sabhyasachi says, “We live in a much freer society now. Now choices of profession are also changing for men. Be it cooking or designing- al these at one point were woman’s domain. Society has become liberal and now parents don’t fall from the chair like they used to do in our times when their sons expressed their desires to become chefs or fashion designers. Over the years mannerism in men and women are going through a lot of changes. There is nothing as manly or womanly.”

Shopping is a womanly thing who said so? Men don’t shop unless and until it is absolutely essential. “Men do love shopping for themselves, for the women in their life and even for their kids. I am a big time shopperhollic. And it is not always the high-tech cameras that I go shopping for. I like to shop clothes, shoes and even fancy accessories for everybody in my family,” says Subi Samuel.

Arindam Mitra, advertising professional from Mumbai shares the same view. “From a very young age, I enjoyed shopping. I used to save up my pocket money to buy gifts for my parents on their marriage anniversaries and birthdays. When I started earning I actually started splurging money. Now whenever I go shopping with my wife, I like to buy her diamonds and designer dresses which looks really good on her. In fact my wife has to stop me sometimes because she is quite calculative unlike me.”