Ectopic pregnancy, hard to get over

I am 22 years old. I am going through a ectopic pregnancy now and have surgery Monday. It is killing me, we have been trying for over a yr to conceive. I've seen doctor after doctor after my betas weren't rising like they should and I was bleeding. Today they told me it was a ectopic, I can't belive. I was given the shot and it was the worst thing I have ever done. It's hard now my baby is alive but there is nothing I can do. I can't be alone or I break down, I can't go to the bathroom because when I see the blood I cry. I'm trying to be strong for my husband but I feel myself slipping into depression. Why us? What could I have possibly done to deserve this? My child doesn't deserve this! I can't even watch baby commercials.